by Mark Bunnell

... A ‘person’ is not at all the same as an ‘individual’. Isolated, self-dependent, none of us is an authentic person but merely an individual, a bare unit as recorded in the census. … Each becomes a real person only through entering into relation with other persons, through living for them and in them.

Kallistos Ware

The Potential of Separate Charges

The power went out recently and I had to break out the flash lights. But, since we rarely use them, the batteries were dead and I had to replace them, which got me thinking: how do batteries hold this magical electric power? And what actually is electricity?  

I started reflecting on electricity, and even though we are so incredibly dependent on it, I wasn’t really sure I understood how it even works. Once the power came back on, I did some research, and while most of it was very dense and hard to understand, some of it did sink in.

Electric circuits are energy conversion systems that use chemical reactions to move opposite charges away from each other (remember, opposites attract) and this separation creates electric potential energy. This potential energy can then be “released”, so to speak, similar to opening a hole in the wall of a dam, and work can be done (Physics). In the case of a flashlight, the bulb lights up.

The key part that makes this possible is the potential energy that is created by the separation of the opposite charges. Potential energy “is the energy that is stored in an object due to its position relative to some zero position” (Physics). And when this potential energy is “released”, something exciting and possibly even useful, even revolutionary -- like electricity -- can happen. Generally speaking, potential energy makes work (“work” meaning a useful action, moving an object from point A to point B, etc) possible. 

What’s interesting is that electricity is only possible with a multiplicity of “players” that are different from each other in some way. To get the sort of flow that generates electricity, the charges need to be opposite, positive and negative, and then they need to be locationally different as well. Without those differences, our computers and iPhones and life as we know it would not be possible.

The Potential of Contrasting Colors and Sounds

This idea from physics, that difference creates potential energy that can power work, is true even when we move away from the concrete and hyper-practical and instead into the abstract.

If we study music theory we learn about an idea called harmony. “The term harmony derives from the Greek ἁρμονία (harmonía), meaning “joint, agreement, concord”, from the verb ἁρμόζω (harmozo), “to fit together, to join”. This idea applies to two or more notes that are played simultaneously. Note that difference is implicit in the musical definition.  In fact, “in Ancient Greece, the term defined the combination of contrasted elements: a higher and lower note”. The term doesn’t just indicate slightly different notes, but notes that are different and distinct enough to contrast each other.

Color theory might help us visualize this idea. Complementary colors (red and green, blue and orange, yellow and purple) are said to contrast each other.

Both in music and color theory, the contrast between the two “players” brings something into existence in the inbetween space. Something that isn’t there without the two players and the difference that they bring. We could call this “something in the inbetween” “potential energy”. Now, unlike electricity, it’s a little more difficult to answer what “work” this “potential energy” does. Does it move something?

Well, let’s try it out. 

In the sunsets below, notice the color contrasts between the blues, oranges, purples, and yellows. Notice the depth that those contrasts bring, and what parts each brings out and highlights about the other.

In the photos above, although each horizon is more or less the same, and all have more or less the same colors, each sunset is unique due to the different arrangements and levels of contrast. We could say that each sunset has a different potential energy.

 How does each sunset make you feel? Or what feeling might you associate with each? What people or memories do each bring to your mind? How do the different scenes move you?

 Or, returning to music, take a moment to listen to one of your favorite songs. Take in the different notes in the melodies. Take in the difference that creates the harmonies.

 How does that song make you feel? What memories does it bring up? How does it move you?

 Although the difference in notes and colors don’t necessarily “move” an object in a literal sense, and so materially speaking they do not do much “work”, the potential difference in the color contrast and musical harmony does do work in moving us.

 The Potential of Sharing Ourselves

Just like in the previous examples of electricity, musical notes, and complimentary colors, in our relationships there is potential energy from the difference between us and others. And although we’re all in agreement that electricity, music, and color need difference, we aren’t always in agreement with that in our relationships. For lots of different reasons, sometimes we decide that it would be better to play alone, where there isn’t difference. But when we avoid difference, when we refrain from sharing ourselves and receiving from others, we lose that “potential energy” that can arise in the inbetween space. 

Might we call that interstitial space the potential energy of relationship?

Now, especially since this potential energy is nurtured as we share ourselves with another, and therefore necessarily involves us, it’s likely to be the least comfortable at the start. So what good is this potential energy? What does it power? What work does it do? What does it accomplish? Why is it useful?

While it was fairly easy to answer those questions on the material level -- electricity powers our light bulbs and phones -- and still fairly easy to conceptualize with music and art -- we are moved to emotions and memories -- now it becomes a bit trickier to answer.

On one level, we can take the easy answer and say that the potential energy in our relationships moves us just like colors and music do. It brings up emotions and memories.

But if we’re honest, there’s more. There is so much more. We can’t have a relationship with a Van Gogh in the same way that we can with a family member or close friend. There is so much more potential energy created in a relationship with another person rather than a painting or song. 

There is something more than just merely emotional connection going on. I think what we are starting to get at is love. But before we go any further, what is love?

We use the word “love” a lot, but we don’t often reflect on what it really means. We use it in passing phrases like “I love tacos” or “I love this new show” and we also use it in phrases like “I love my mom”. In both cases the word is the same but the idea that it gets at is very different. “I love my mom” is used to convey something very different than what I mean by “I love tacos.”

“The broadest definition of love is: To want some good for someone. Pretty much every time someone uses the word ‘love’ it involves a movement towards some good thing or some person” (Catholic News Agency). 

Working with this definition, one of the main ways we use “love” in our vocabulary is to refer to our own happiness. That’s what “I love tacos” is getting at. In that statement, the person that I want goodness for is myself, happily full with tacos in my belly. And this “love”, which is really an expression of the love of myself, for it wills my own happiness, can also be extended to our relationships with others (unfortunately). Sometimes when we say we “love” our relationship partner, it is because they make us feel good about ourselves. We love what they do for us.

But there is another movement of love that involves wanting goodness for someone else, not just ourselves. This movement is what we start to get at with an example like “I love my mom, so I am buying her a birthday present and planning a surprise brunch.” Or, “I love my brother so I am helping him study for his GRE”. In those circumstances, our desire is for the good of the other person isn’t primarily concerned with our own enjoyment or well-being, but rather with another's well-being.

Now, there is an interplay between the two, where we can’t really separate one from the other. For instance, I help my brother because I desire goodness for him, but some of why I desire that is due to our relationship bringing some amount of happiness to my life. This interplay is inescapable, and that’s a part of life. 

What needs to be guarded against is an entirely self focused love, especially in our relationships. This movement of love does not have any real appreciation for difference, so there isn’t any genuine sharing of oneself, and therefore no “potential” is created.

When we think about this second kind of love that motivates us to will the good of another, we may be reminded of charitable organizations or movements. This term “charity” and why we use it for (in general) doing things for the good of others, has its roots Christian thought. So for an insight into what “love” is, we’ll take a dive into the Christian tradition.

According to Christian thought and tradition, “Charity … the second kind of love … motivates the Christian to do what is right in order to bring about the happiness of God and neighbor. In Charity, we say to God and neighbor, ‘I will try to make you happy, I will try to serve you, I will make your good my priority’” (Catholic News Agency). The form of love that is referred to as charity is, as much as possible, selfless love. It’s the sharing of ourselves for the good of Others.

Charity is “the final virtue … the summit of the Christian life and the beginning of everlasting happiness.” (catholic link). Christianity also makes the claim that “the ultimate means to happiness is to focus not on your happiness, but on the happiness of God and Neighbor” (Catholic News Agency). 

So at last we see that seeking personal fulfillment is not enough; rather we must transcend our own good and act on behalf of the other. To be sure, we cannot stop pursuing the basic goods and eternal happiness, but Charity teaches us not to pursue them only for our own sake, but also with an eye to serving God and neighbor. We have to make their happiness our objective if we would ever be truly happy ourselves.

Catholic News Agency

Charity, or perhaps adequately paraphrased, self-giving, self-sharing love, is the “work” that has the potential to occur in the relationship between two different people. Without difference, or even without an acknowledgement or appreciation of difference, it isn’t self-anything. It’s just self. 

And in loving each other, we move past the purely material, rational, and emotional. It’s something more, and it’s something much deeper. By all means it includes the material, rational, and emotional parts of ourselves, our bodies and souls, and yet it’s still deeper. It rises deep, to the spiritual level. 

This potential energy of sharing ourselves, the relationship, the love, is the nature of life in us. And when acknowledged and appreciated, this potential energy, love, can power and fuel our truly being human, as we are intended to be.

... A ‘person’ is not at all the same as an ‘individual’. Isolated, self-dependent, none of us is an authentic person but merely an individual, a bare unit as recorded in the census. Egocentricity is the death of true personhood. Each becomes a real person only through entering into relation with other persons, through living for them and in them.

Kallistos Ware

And all of this is made possible through difference! Difference! Without it, we wouldn’t have electricity, beautiful paintings or symphonies, or love! Although it may not be very comfortable today, appreciate the difference between you and others, and participate in it. Dare and learn to share yourself in your relationships, to participate in love, and to be human.